


I'll Be The One In Red, White, and Blue

by Pleasant_Valley_Sunday



Series: Show Girl Steve! [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crossdressing, Everyone wants a lapdance, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pepper gets what Pepper wants, So is Howard and Peggy, Steve IS Fabulous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 04:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2256459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pleasant_Valley_Sunday/pseuds/Pleasant_Valley_Sunday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PROMPT: The other Avengers find pictures of Steve dressed as a show girl while rummaging through Howard's stuff. Crack ensues, and everyone wants a lap dance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be The One In Red, White, and Blue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [President_Oberon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/President_Oberon/gifts).



> My BFF sick a few days ago, and I told her I’d write her any Avengers one-shot she could think of. You know what she said?
> 
> "I want Steve to dress up as a show girl with Peggy for Howard"
> 
> And then she was like,
> 
> "You know what? Throw Steve giving Howard a lap dance in there too."
> 
> (She even drew a little picture to go with it. Steve looks so fabulous as a show girl, I must say…)
> 
> "And then let Tony find the pictures."
> 
> So, here ya go!

Tony Stark wasn't easily surprised. He was, after all, Tony Stark, and there were more videos of him doing stupid and reckless things while on a drunken escapade on YouTube than he'd like to admit. So yeah, he believed nothing could surprise him. Well, in his defense, he hadn't seen the pictures yet.

* * *

"When the hell did the tower get a basement?"

Tony looked up from the rim of his coffee mug, meeting the eyes of Clint Barton.

"Wha?" Tony wasn't really functioning on all cylinders, give him a break. It had been a very long night, and he wasn't really in the mood to deal with Clint's shit.

"I didn't know we had a basement."

Tony's brain took a minute to process Clint's words.

"Oh, yeah." Tony replied. "Not much down there, besides boxes upon boxes of my dad's stuff."

Clint gave a _hmm_ in response, continuing to stare at Tony. It was another minute before Tony looked back up to find Clint staring at him expectantly.

Tony sighed. "Fine, whatever. You can go explore down there, or whatever the fuck you wanna do."

Clint didn't need to be told twice, and in the blink of an eye Clint was gone.

Tony took another long sip from his coffee and sighed. This was going to be a very long day.

* * *

 "Tony, what's this?"

Tony sighed and set down his tools. He turned, ready to glare at Clint for disturbing him.

"Barton, if you can't tell, I'm trying to finish Natasha's upgrades before she kills me with her pinkie. Please leave."

But Clint didn't listen, and continued to examine whatever he was holding in his hands.

"Stark, where are my upgrades?" Tony groaned inwardly as he watched Natasha strut in and stare at him expectantly.

"Lord Stark, what has happened to the glorious toaster?"

Great, here came big, blond, and beautiful...Well, one of them, at least. Steve was somewhere off in Norway with Darcy, helping the new agent on her first mission.

"Tony, can you please pass me my notes?"

Tony growled (which was strange, he had never really heard himself growl before, but that would have to wait for later) and shouted, "One at a time!" Everyone grew silent as the inventor took a few deep breaths.

"Okay, first, Natasha. Your updates are almost complete, just a few more adjustments and they'll be ready to go." Natasha smiled that disturbing smile of hers, and continued to watch the scene unfold. "Second, Thor, I took the toaster because you can't us it without breaking it. From now on, if you want Pop Tarts, ask one of us to make them for you."

Thor pouted, bringing out the kicked puppy look that he and Steve had perfected.

"Bruce, your notes are on the other side of the room. If you want them, get up and get them yourself."

Tony didn't seem to mind that he could've potentially (depending on Bruce's mood) set off the Hulk, but Natasha stiffened and watched Banner for any tint of green to his skin. Much to her relief, he only huffed and scooted back in his chair and started rolling towards the back of the room, using his hands to grab tables to push him along his journey.

"And Clint, what is 'this'?" Natasha snapped her head to look at Clint, who was turning something in his hands.

"I found something while going through your dad's stuff." Clint said as he tossed the object to Tony. "It's locked, and I want to know what is inside."

Tony easily caught the object and looked at it. It was a small wooden chest, nothing to fancy. Tony's own curiosity bubbled, and he turned around and set to work, using his tools to open the chest.

What had come falling out would haunt Tony forever.

"Oh my god..." he muttered, picking up the small stack of photo's and going through them.

The photo's were of Howard, Steve, and Peggy. Only, it wasn't the Steve they knew. There was a huge dopey grin on his face, which looked weird, since Tony had grown accustomed to Steve's forced grins. And Steve was wearing a show girl outfit.

More precisely, both Steve and Peggy were wearing show girl outfits, which looked to be made for exactly them. The dresses were exactly the same, the only difference being that Peggy's dress hugged her boobs, and Steve's dress clung to his abs. They both wore silver heels (Steve didn't even have that pained expression that Natasha wore when she was forced into heels. No, he looked comfortable, of all things), and oh god, how long had Steve been hiding his past cross dressing days?

The next picture is what shocked Tony the most. Steve, still dressed as a show girl, giving Howard, of all people, a lap dance. And god, now Tony wanted Steve to give him a lap dance. Seriously, his dad got one, and so should Tony.

"Stark, are you okay?"

Tony turned around very slowly, gripping the picture's. "He gave him a lap dance."

"Huh?"

"Steve. Our Steve, our leader and the symbol of purity, gave my father a lap dance. Dressed as a show girl. With Peggy."

The room fell silent, and Tony started handing out the picture's. Natasha studied them for a minute before holding up the one with Howard and Steve. "Why haven't we gotten any lap dance's yet?"

Thor, surprisingly, knew what a lap dance was. "I wish Lord Steven would grant me the honor of receiving a lap dance."

Bruce was blushing bright red, but everyone could tell her wanted alap dance to, as he snatched the pictures out of Thor's hand. Clint was the last to look at the pictures, and if anyone noticed the bulge in his jeans, they didn't say anything.

"I want a lap dance to," he whined, right as the lab doors opened.

"What's this about a lap dance?"

Tony looked to see Pepper strutting in, dressed in her work clothes. There was a small pang of longing, since they had just recently broken up, and Tony felt like he needed to go back in time so he could patch things up.

"Just look at this." Clint said, waving the pictures in front of her face.

Pepper snatched them away and looked at them, biting her lip. After a moment, she looked up, and said "I want" in a very serious tone, before turning and stalking out.

Tony was silent for a while before her erupted into laughter, uncaring as to how everyone was staring at him like he was a lunatic.

When he finally stopped laughing, Tony was able to choke out a sentence. "Pepper gets what Pepper wants."

He let that sink in before the others started chuckling with him.

"God, poor Steve won't know what hit him."

* * *

_**A week later...  
** _

Steve yawned as he continued to shuffle his way towards the kitchen, dragging his feet, because despite popular belief, he was not an early riser.

"Hey Steve?"

The voice startled him, and he quickly looked up to see Pepper leaning through a doorway.

"Hello Pepper," Steve offered a smile, because it was the polite thing to do.

"Steve would you mind helping me with something?"

Steve stilled and he looked back in the direction of the kitchen, weighing his options. After a moment, he sighed.

"Sure, what do you need?"

 

**Author's Note:**

> The End.... lol, JK! 
> 
> I plan on posting a lemon to go with this sometime tomorrow, and this ending is like a preview, of sorts. It'll be Pepper x Steve, because that's an amazing ship.


End file.
